What Not to Say to a Grieving Person, part 2

http://kenichihoshine.com/

A Daily Undertaker reader commented on What not to say to a grieving person, part 1, and I'd like to share some of her thoughts on this subject:

"It has to be said that it's hard to know what to say to someone recently

bereaved because, as Pat says, nothing will take the pain or hurt away or change

anything however eloquently it has been expressed.

It's hardly

surprising then that some people just avoid the bereaved person altogether

simply because they don't know what to say and will actively go out of their way

to avoid them.

I don't actually blame them because it's so tricky

to offer condolences at all.

Having been told in all sincerity, not 24 hours

after my husband died,

'Never mind, he's gone to a better place now!',

I replied without thinking,

'No, he's not ~ he's dead!'

Even though I

was numbed beyond belief by grief and booze, I felt the collective gasp of

unease ripple through the room as I said what I said and I immediately felt

guilty which I know in my heart is not what the person who uttered those words

would have wanted.

I still feel guilty about that years later and in my mind

I know that person still see's me as someone who doesn't 'take prisoners' or

suffer fools gladly and I feel somehow the 'guilty' party for my instinctive

reaction.

It's a shame that I think this way but that's just me, we all

react differently but I'd rather have had that person's company and misguided

attempt at comfort than not at all because at the end of the day, it was

heartfelt and his heart was indeed in the right place!

It's important to

know that there are NO right things to say

but you can never know how much

the bereaved needs and appreciates your support and company....even if it all

comes out wrong,

just being there is enough.

We all lose somebody

close to us in the end,

it's a fact of life we'd rather not face. " -T.D.